Separated Past and Future
Checking the phone, I couldn’t stop my missing reveal out from my face. Those messages wouldn’t include anything about me. I was stand in the huge airport and thinking about what should I do. I was heading to America. 16 years old is a age for Chinese students get into high school. I got in high school too, in America. I was leaving the home I stayed for 16 years. I still remember when I was leaving my home. When I saw the tear drops on my grandfather’s face, I gave him a forced smile. I never saw he tear. He stood in the parking place for a long time. Since I was born, my grandmother never left me for more than 2 weeks. I know that she would take sleeping pills tonight. When I left, I found the best place for me had been far away from me. What came up in my mind were depression fear and expectation.
Past was difficult to relinquish. I thought a lot when I sat on the seat. I was leaving the world with them, my families and friends. After I go, their lives continues. My friends went on different ways after that summer. We were the best team of the world. 3 years of middle school gave us uncountable memories that can not be erased. Different from American, classmates in China have much closer relationships. More than 40 people work, eat and do activities as a tight group. 3 years of middle school may become the rarest memory of my school life, but I was leaving. Distress was full of my mind, even they said do not miss them.
Future would be hard to foresee. The experience I had in China can not fit in America anymore. Since I arrived in JFK airport, I would be a foreigner. That position change was hard to be accept in a short time. I was scared. I was the only one who can take care of myself. Even I told my parents I would look after myself, I knew I can not do that much. Everything would be different there. I left my familiar room; what waiting for me is an stranger. I dropped my study; what waiting for me is another language. I was really scared of I can’t do well there. At that time, how could I say to my teacher? How could I face to my friends? Everything was unknown.
But I was also going with hope. There was an unknown future, waiting outside the plane. It was unknown, so it had infinite possibility. That brand new world had already opened its door. Who knows what would happen in the future. It might be a world that more suitable for me. I was holding my fantasy dream in my hands. Why I always think about bad thing? New friends were there, New classes were there. Those were my new life. Although I am a person who wants to live in the past, I could not stop my expecting. America was that mystical and remote before, but this time I would stay there for several years. It was a real satire for me that I left precious past to look for a unreachable future. “Don’t be afraid.” I told myself. Although it could not give me courage anymore.
I was distracted at that time. All kinds of emotion came into my mind. Took out my flight ticket, I finally went aboard. I already chose this way, life doesn’t come back. What I should do was put all distracting thoughts away. “Admit the reality.” I told myself. That was the only thing I can do. There was no use to be cranky.
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